Living in Loss & Hilton Head

So you've found the Lessmann Blog. Good thing Gayle makes efforts to pull me into this Century. I never really thought I would ever make a posting on a blog because I don't usually feel like I have anything interesting enough to write that anyone will want to read. But, if you're reading this, I guess I was wrong. I don't have time to write good prose, but I wanted to fill you in on our Hilton Head weekend. It was borderline brutal to travel cross country with 2 kids on planes with 4 hour layovers and travel time exceeding 11 hours from start to finish. Then to sleep all together in a hotel bedroom the size of our kitchen. But, we did it, and managed to have a lot of fun in the process. The weekend really kicked off Friday morning where we had a firmwide meeting from 9-12 for attorneys and their spouses. Jackson Lewis (JL) is celebrating its 50th year anniversary and, in doing so, basically gave a 3-hour history of the firm, complete with many truly hilarious antectodes by very well-spoken attorneys. The clear theme of the history, however, is that JL is different because it is a family, and a family oriented firm. As they said, they celebrate victories with each other, and grieve losses and defeats. True to their propoganda, the weekend truly felt family oriented. We literally took over the ENTIRE Mariott hotel, as well much of the adjacent Hilton Head Hotel. There were over 2000 people there I think. The firm paid for all spouses to go (airfaire, meals and lodging), and paid for daycare for children. If you wanted, you could literally put your kid in daycare all day and that had fun activities organized for them. And at night, they sent a personal nanny up to your room to do whatever you wanted them to do. We only had the heart to put Austin in daycare once (and he did great, what a sweetie), but took full advantage of the nanny, who we loved, for two nights. Every time I got into the elevator, I was introduced to attorneys and their families, and enjoyed them delighting over our kids. Austin was truly a trooper the entire trip, with kind and funny words for nearly everyone. My favorite moment was when Gayle left to put Wyatt to ped, and Austin and I closed down the pool before cocktail hour, which began at the pool at 6:00 every night. Perhaps more comfortable with the pool to himself, Austin felt comfortable enough to leave the top stair of the pool and go to the second stair. Then I asked Austin to stay put for a second while I sprinted a lap of the pool to try to warm my body temperature up. I got to the other side of the pool and Ausitn said "You're far away Daddy. Come back! Swim to me." So I did, and when I got there, Austin giggled with glee and asked (I quote): "Can you teach me how to swim underwater, Daddy?" There began an even more adventurous Austin. We had other good times too, on the beach together, watching Austin cover himself in sand, sitting on a hammock together at night (just Gayle and me), and playing tennis on beautiful clay courts with Gayle and the boys watching. It was hotter and more humid than Hates down there. I ran for 1 hour and 15 minutes one day and was barely running 8 minute miles with my heart rate exceeding 180 bpm. On Saturday morning, I got up at 6 a.m. to swim (exhausted as I was). At 6:15 a pool sweeper came. At 6:20, a Jackson Lewis attorney named "Matt Halpern" got into the lane next to me and started swimming adjacent to me. At 6:25 we came up for air, and the pool sweeper guy told Matt that he couldn't swim. Why not Matt asked? Because I'm sweeping the pool, and am just letting the other guy finish his laps because he got there before me. I told Matt under my breath that I would swim for as long as I could so he could get his time in. Matt said thanks, I usaully swim for half an hour. 10 minutes later, however, I saw Matt sitting on the stairs, not swimming. 10 minutes after that, I finished my own swim, and saw Matt still sitting there. I kind of looked at him like "What's wrong" and he quickly said that his leg was cramping up and he couldn't swim like he normally does. We then got to talking more, and it turns out he'd been with JL 22 year, loves the people, loves the firm, etc. etc. He told me he was going back to Long Island that day (Saturday) so that he could take his 3 kids (ages 8 to 14) to summer camp. We probably chatted for about 10 minutes, and he expressed to me how lucky we were to have Mickey Silberman as our managing partner. We departed with a handshake, and a "see you around," confident that we'd probably see each other in the pool again someday at another firm retreat. That night at about 5:00, Gayle and I headed to the pool with kids in tow and Gayle noticed several people crying. Then several more, and several more. Soonafter, we learned the cause of the tears: Matt Halpern, age 44, died on the plane ride home. Cause of death still unknown. (Related to the cramping dad? Blood clot maybe? Aneurism?) It is clear that Matt was as warm and caring a guy as I took him to be, because the mood that night was somber, and many, many, many people were inconsolable. That was loss #1. Loss #2, pale in comparison, occurred when I donned my new swimming trunks Saturday night and put my phone in the fancy pocket at the bottom of the trunks (as opposed the normal location of the pocket at the hip). The first time I put the trunks on a few days earlier, I told Gayle to remind me to take my phone out of my pocket because I wasn't used to having the pocket so low and couldn't feel the phone. That original warning was prescient: I walked into the pool Saturday night with my phone in the pocket! Destroyed. Good thing I pay the $7 a month insurance. With my payment of a $50 deductible, a new phone is being delivered to my doorstep. So, for all of you who called me, now you know why I failed to call back! I should be back in contact next week. I titled this, my first ever post, "Living in Loss." Matt's death was pretty stunning to me, and it only reinforced what I've always known: Life is truly a precious gift, one that we are to cherish. Let's all live each day with abundant grace and love, reflective of the short time we have on earth together to enjoy. I'm going to close by pasting part of the e-mail that Mickey, our managing partner, sent to many of us in the Denver office yesterday morning. Mickey was bascially a seed of Matt's, and evidently loved him dearly. I thought his message was beautiful: I was deeply moved last night by the emails and phone calls from you or the sentiments you conveyed through others. During a mostly sleepless night, I spent much of the time dwelling on our great loss but also on the outpouring of support from all of you. I am deeply grateful to have you as my colleagues, friends and yes, family. During the presentation Friday morning, as we listened to Pat and others invoke the word "family" many times, I thought about how most of you, new to JL, might be reacting. I suspect if I were new to the firm, I may have rolled my eyes a bit at the use of the term but my hope is that, as you listened, you could appreciate how sincerely that word was used and how unique and special a place JL is. I am honored to have you as part of that family. You are all dear to me. In the JL family, Matt was my big brother, my mentor and my dear friend. My great regret for all of you is that you did not have more of a chance to get to know him. He was a great guy, a kind and decent person, a fantastic lawyer and he was funny as hell. I recently heard a wise man say that the best measures of a person's life are: did you make close and real connections with your family and others in your life, did you work to make a positive difference while here and did you leave the world a better place than when you came into it. Matt did all of those things, in abundance. I look forward to sharing many stories with you so you can know what an extraordinary human being he was.